64 Flirty, Dirty, and Ultimately Revealing Questions to Ask Your…
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Our team thoroughly researches and evaluates the recommendations we make on our site. To establish that the product manufacturers addressed safety and efficacy standards, we:If the dirty questions you’re asking your boo don’t go beyond “Babe, when was the last time you showered?” or “Who’s doing the next load of laundry? You or me?,” you and your sex life are missing out Big Time.
What’s the point?
“Asking your partner questions can tell you more about your partner and their desires,” says Alexandra Fine, CEO and co-founder of Dame Products. “But it can also tell you about your own as well.”
How’s that? Well, odds are that far more than a quick answer, these questions are gonna lead to some pretty darn intimate convos.
In fact, according to Fine, asking questions like this could help foster an environment of intimate sharing within your relationship.
Crash course: If you’re trying to get someone in the mood
You bet your butt a leading question has the power to take the conversation from “OK” to “OH!”
With nudes, lewds, or sexting
First things first: Before you send a racy pic or text, ask permission!
As Texas-based sex educator Goody Howard, MSW, MPH, puts it, “You never know if someone is with their kids or sitting by their grandmother in hospice.”
Asking permission allows the person to confirm whether they’re locationally/emotionally/spiritually in a place to receive your smutty sexts.
If you get the green light, you might ask:
On a phone or video call
“Asking questions can be really hot fun over video and phone because you’ll be able to see and hear their excitement,” says Howard.
Try these:
In person
Here, what you ask is going to vary depending on whether you and your partner are already intimately/physically/emotionally connected and you want to up the ante. Or, if you’re not, but want to be.
Try:
If you’re newly talking or seeing each other
Maybe you’ve smooched but not smacked the sack. Maybe you and your recent Right Swipe just entered R-rated territory. Or maybe you’re still trying to parse out whether you and your new boo are a good match, sexually.
Wherever you’re at in this new relationship or situationship, there are dirty questions you can ask.
What it can do for your relationship at this stage
At the early stages in your relationship, you want to figure out whether your sexual wants and needs mesh.
In other words: Are you sexually compatible or nah?
Qs to learn about what they’re looking for in a sexual partner
“You want to learn what they’re looking for sexually earlier in the relationship, because if they’re into something that’s a Hard No for you, it’s better to find out sooner rather than later,” says Howard.
Try:
Qs to learn about their sexual history
Before you ask these questions, think through W-H-Y you’re asking them.
Is it because you’re interested in what types of sex acts they’d be interested in exploring together? If so, go ahead and ask the following:
If, however you want to learn more about their sexual history or you’re nervous that you’re either “not experienced enough” or “too experienced” for them, pose one of the below questions:
Qs to learn about their interests and turn-ons
When you’re first learning someone’s sexual interests, Howard emphasizes that it’s important to ask open ended — not yes/no — questions.
In addition to generally leading to better discussion, open-ended questions tend to help people feel more comfortable sharing, she says.
So while you wouldn’t ask, “Have you ever used a vibrator?” or “Have you ever had anal?,” you might ask:
Qs to learn about their sexual health status
“You never want to make assumptions about someone’s health status,” says Howard.
Instead, ask the following:
Point blank: If you don’t feel comfortable having these conversations, you probably aren’t ready to have sex.
But if you don’t have this conversation, assume that the person is STI-positive, and take the necessary precautions to prevent transmission.
If you’ve been seeing each other for a few months
Ah, the few-month mark. The time when you’ll either really hit your stride or hit a dead end.
What it can do for your relationship at this stage
If at a few months in you haven’t already begun to foster an environment in your relationship where you talk about your sex life, now’s when you want to start, according to Howard.
“Talking about your sex life can help your sex life,” she says.
If your sex life is already amazing, you should still talk about it, she says.
“You don’t want the only time you and your partner talk about your sex life be when it needs work.”
Also: Who doesn’t love some R-rated words of affirmation??
Qs to learn more about your compatibility
At this point, you’re probably starting to get a sense of how sexually compatible you are or aren’t.
But “communicating is the best way to get a sense of how sexually compatible you are,” says Howard.
Trust, these questions will help you communicate:
Qs to learn more about their desires
You knowww you’re curious!
Plus, asking your partner(s) these questions is the perfect way to bring up your own fantasies and desires.
Try:
If you’ve been seeing each other long-term
When you’ve been smooching the same person for a minuteeee you may think you’ve already asked them everything you could possibly want to know. But the below questions will prove that’s false!
What it can do for your relationship at this stage
Hate to break it to you, but the amount of time you’ve been together doesn’t say anything about how satisfying your sex life is.
A Q&A session can help you continue pleasurable patterns and break not-so-mutually-pleasurable ones.
Qs to check in on what’s working (and what’s not)
Here, vulnerability is the name of the game.
So rather than simply dishing out a Q, here you’re going to want to share your own thoughts and feelings about your sex life, too.
For example:
Qs to spice things up
After the honeymoon phase has passed and the everyday minutiae has taken center stage, it’s possible your sex life has become a little “meh.”
These questions can help replace the unenthused groans with moans:
If you need more inspiration, try a game!
“Leaning on a game to find out this kind of information can help take the pressure off of both of you,” says Howard. Yes, these kinds of games exist!
“Games in general also help people take their guards down, which means you may actually learn more with the help of a game.”
Here are some popular dirty question games that you can purchase online:
The bottom line
No matter the stage you’re at in your relationship, there’s a set of dirty questions that’ll tell you more about your partner’s wants, wishes, and needs.
Gabrielle Kassel (she/her) is a queer sex educator and wellness journalist who is committed to helping people feel the best they can in their bodies. In addition to Healthline, her work has appeared in publications such as Shape, Cosmopolitan, Well+Good, Health, Self, Women’s Health, Greatist, and more! In her free time, Gabrielle can be found coaching CrossFit, reviewing pleasure products, hiking with her border collie, or recording episodes of the podcast she co-hosts called Bad In Bed. Follow her on Instagram @Gabriellekassel.
Posted : 2024-08-29 10:49
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